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Jokes about the Welsh


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#1 Hfelda

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Posted 06 September 2009 - 11:07 AM

From sickapedia .thumbsup

The welsh: They're just the Irish that couldn't swim...



Although Anthony Hopkins is welsh, hes never been accused of sheep shagging.

Its all down to the silence of the lambs.



Have you heard about the festival celebrated by welsh Muslims?

It's called Ramalamb



I went to Cardiff last week and had a run in with the Taffia, the welsh contingent of the Mafia;

They made me an offer I couldn't understand...

------

An Englishman, welshman and west indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys.

"There's just one problem," she says. "Because they were all born at the same time, we got the tags mixed up and we don't know which baby belongs to whom. Would you, as their fathers, mind coming to identify them?" The men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies.

Immediately the Englishman stoops down and picks up the black baby. "Yes, this is definitely my baby," he says confidently.
"Um, excuse me," says the west indian, "but I think it's fairly obvious that this is my son."
The Englishman pulls him aside and says, "I see where you're coming from, mate, but one of these babies is welsh and I'm not prepared to take the risk."

------

A welshman, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the welshman took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the welshman had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the welshman started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

"could you take the dog for a walk?"

------

An Englishman, an Irishman, a welshman and a Scot are captured by the Iraqis.
The Iraq troop leader says, "we're going to shoot you, but we will give you one last request."
He says to the welshman, "what's your last request?"
The welshman says, "I want a thousand welshman singing 'Land of my Fathers'."
"Okay, you've got it. What about you?" he says to the Scotsman.
"I want a thousand Scots pipers piping Scotland the brave," says the Scot.
"You've got it" says the Iraqi. "What's your last request?" he says to the Irishman.
"I want a thousand Irishman doing the Riverdance" says Paddy.
"It's yours" says the Iraqi. Turning to the Englishman, he says, "and your last request?"
The Englishman says, "fucking shoot me first".
  • 5

þéodisc mín blód, wylfen mín sáwol

 

-"native my blood, wolven my soul" -


#2 Alda

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Posted 06 September 2009 - 12:24 PM

Very funny, I'm sharing those with my friends
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"William the Conqueror had turned the English out of their birthrights; and compelled them for necessity to be servants to him and to his Norman soldiers" - Gerrard Winstanley

We always have been, we are, and I hope that we always shall be detested in France - Duke of Wellington

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society... then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them... We should therefore claim, in the name of tolerance, the right not to tolerate the intolerant."
Karl Popper

Blow wind, rise storm, ship ashore before morn

#3 Beorwulf

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Posted 06 September 2009 - 01:26 PM

Taffy is on his deathbed, He calls his wife Blodwyn to his side, and says:
"Blodwyn, cariad, before I die, I have a confession to make, or I won't rest easy. I've been unfaithful to you, but only twice during our long marriage."
"Oh!" says Blodwyn "and with who?"
"Sian Jones and Elen Evans" says Taffy.
"Well, I suppose that's OK; see, I've been unfaithful to you, too Taffy, but only twice as well" she says.
"Who with, dear Blodwyn?"
"Well, the first time was with the Treorchy male voice choir, and the next was with the 2nd Battalion of the South Wales Borderers..."


An Englishman was talking to a group of friends in a pub:
"Bloody Welsh!" he said "They're either rugby players or whores, the lot of them!"
Someone at the bar turned to him and said angrily "Oi! My wife is Welsh, want to make something of it?"
Quick as a flash the Englishmen replied "what position does she play, then?".


And as we learnt at school:
"Taffy was a welshmen, Taffy was a thief,
"Taffy came to my house and stole a leg of beef.
"I went to Taffy's house; he was not at home.
"Taffy was at my house where he stole a marrow-bone.
"I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was in bed,
"So I broke down the window and kicked him in the head"!
(Apparently the original was "pissed on his head")

:rune20: :rune18: :rune26: :rune19: :rune19:
  • 0
Waes Hael!

"To be born English is to win first prize in the lottery of life" Cecil Rhodes

#4 Sais

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Posted 07 September 2009 - 12:30 AM

From sickapedia :o

The welsh: They're just the Irish that couldn't swim...



Although Anthony Hopkins is welsh, hes never been accused of sheep shagging.

Its all down to the silence of the lambs.



Have you heard about the festival celebrated by welsh Muslims?

It's called Ramalamb



I went to Cardiff last week and had a run in with the Taffia, the welsh contingent of the Mafia;

They made me an offer I couldn't understand...

------

An Englishman, welshman and west indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys.

"There's just one problem," she says. "Because they were all born at the same time, we got the tags mixed up and we don't know which baby belongs to whom. Would you, as their fathers, mind coming to identify them?" The men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies.

Immediately the Englishman stoops down and picks up the black baby. "Yes, this is definitely my baby," he says confidently.
"Um, excuse me," says the west indian, "but I think it's fairly obvious that this is my son."
The Englishman pulls him aside and says, "I see where you're coming from, mate, but one of these babies is welsh and I'm not prepared to take the risk."

------

A welshman, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the welshman took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the welshman had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the welshman started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

"could you take the dog for a walk?"

------

An Englishman, an Irishman, a welshman and a Scot are captured by the Iraqis.
The Iraq troop leader says, "we're going to shoot you, but we will give you one last request."
He says to the welshman, "what's your last request?"
The welshman says, "I want a thousand welshman singing 'Land of my Fathers'."
"Okay, you've got it. What about you?" he says to the Scotsman.
"I want a thousand Scots pipers piping Scotland the brave," says the Scot.
"You've got it" says the Iraqi. "What's your last request?" he says to the Irishman.
"I want a thousand Irishman doing the Riverdance" says Paddy.
"It's yours" says the Iraqi. Turning to the Englishman, he says, "and your last request?"
The Englishman says, "fucking shoot me first".



I may be part Welsh but these are hilarious! :o
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#5 Fox Spirit

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Posted 07 September 2009 - 04:13 PM

Famous Welsh film titles:
9 1/2 Leeks
Trefforest Gump
Cwmando
The Lost Boyos
An American Werewolf in Powys
Huw Dares Gwyneth
Dai Hard
The Wizard of Oswestry
Cool Hand Look-you
Sheepless in Seattle
The Eagle has Llandudno
The Magnificent Severn
Haverfordwest Was Won
Austin Powys
The Magic Rhonddabout
The Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch That Time Forgot
Seven Brides for Seven Sisters
Welsh Connection
Welsh Connection II
The Bridge on the River Wye
Lawrence of Llandovery
A Beautiful Mind-you
The Welsh Patient
The King and Mair
The Sheepshag Redemption
Breakfast at Taffynys
Look Back in Bangor
Evans Can Wait
A Fishguard Called Rhondda
Where Eagles Aberdare
Dial M For Merthyr
-------------------
An English ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?" Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git." Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Villager: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Dog: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Villager: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool" Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Horse: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Villager: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Villager: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar!"
-----------------
  • 1
Who holds the riches, the Jester or the King?

#6 Alda

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Posted 07 September 2009 - 04:17 PM

Famous Welsh film titles:
9 1/2 Leeks
Trefforest Gump
Cwmando
The Lost Boyos
An American Werewolf in Powys
Huw Dares Gwyneth
Dai Hard
The Wizard of Oswestry
Cool Hand Look-you
Sheepless in Seattle
The Eagle has Llandudno
The Magnificent Severn
Haverfordwest Was Won
Austin Powys
The Magic Rhonddabout
The Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch That Time Forgot
Seven Brides for Seven Sisters
Welsh Connection
Welsh Connection II
The Bridge on the River Wye
Lawrence of Llandovery
A Beautiful Mind-you
The Welsh Patient
The King and Mair
The Sheepshag Redemption
Breakfast at Taffynys
Look Back in Bangor
Evans Can Wait
A Fishguard Called Rhondda
Where Eagles Aberdare
Dial M For Merthyr
-------------------
An English ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?" Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git." Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Villager: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Dog: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Villager: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool" Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Horse: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Villager: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Villager: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar!"
-----------------


Excellent, I'm sharing these around
  • 0
Posted Image

"William the Conqueror had turned the English out of their birthrights; and compelled them for necessity to be servants to him and to his Norman soldiers" - Gerrard Winstanley

We always have been, we are, and I hope that we always shall be detested in France - Duke of Wellington

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society... then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them... We should therefore claim, in the name of tolerance, the right not to tolerate the intolerant."
Karl Popper

Blow wind, rise storm, ship ashore before morn

#7 Hfelda

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Posted 08 September 2009 - 09:09 AM

Eskimos decide to go on holiday to Wales.

On the way there, the car breaks down so a welshman looks under the bonnet and says: You've blown a seal.

Eskimo replies: So what, you fuck sheep!



Like many young kids, my little neices have got their own silly, nonsense language.

They haven't got a name for it but most of us know it as "welsh".



I'm a moderate Muslim.

I've only declared jihad against the welsh.



My mate's a welsh necrophiliac.

I know he's a necrophiliac cos I caught him shagging my jumper.

.thumbsup
  • 2

þéodisc mín blód, wylfen mín sáwol

 

-"native my blood, wolven my soul" -